Skip to main content
Ah, the first time. You have an expectation in your mind of how it’s suppose to go. And then there’s the reality of how it actually went. I can’t complain too much about my first time. I was lucky enough to have it be with someone who meant something to me. My high school boyfriend. We had been dating for a few months. 

He was the first boy that looked at me like I was special. Most of us had an awkward phase in high school and mine was freshman year. Sophomore year I tried out for the cheerleading squad and got braces. Boys started to look at me and I felt pretty for the first time in my life. Now don’t get me wrong, I was still a nerd on the inside, but I had a pretty cool costume. 

Fast forward to junior year and that’s when I started dating Steven. He hung out with the ‘in’ crowd. I’m not really sure why he liked me and I didn’t take it seriously at first, but there he was. We went to formal together and it was the first time, actually the only time, I went to a dance in high school with a guy that I liked romantically. 

Steven was the first guy who took care of me. I had a lot of firsts with him. The first time I got drunk (He wasn’t actually there but he took care of me afterwards) The first time I got high (Wasn’t there either, but we were dating). The first time I went to a party in high school with all the popular kids. It was a winter to remember. 

We had made a decision that our first time was going to be Valentine’s Day. I was 16 and a Junior. Steven made my day so special. After every class, I went to my locker and had surprises waiting for me. One surprise was a stuffed koala bear, my favorite animal. Another was a Spongebob Squarepants coloring book because, “stoners love Spongebob,” which he had written inside. It all led up to after school when we met at his house. 

I’m not sure if what we did that afternoon actually qualified as our first time, but we definitely tried and it definitely happened later. It wasn’t about what happened that afternoon that mattered but everything that happened up to that point. I felt special for the first time in my life and like I meant something to someone. I can’t say there have been many times I can remember it being that special. 

All I can say is I’m grateful. A lot of people can’t say their first time was that special or that they even really want to remember it. I can truly say that I remember how special I felt and it’s a feeling I haven’t felt very much in my jaded adulthood. 

I guess I haven’t thought about the memory as much as I should have because if I did, I wouldn’t have let people in my life who don’t deserve to be there. 

I’ll always remember Steven for being the first person to show me what it feels like to love. Was it true love? Maybe not. Can we ever really know what true love is in high school before we have even been faced with real life responsibilities? Maybe not. 

But maybe that’s when love is in its’ purest form. And for that I will always be grateful.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Devil In A New Dress

What is "Devil In A New Dress?"  Devil In A New Dress is about looking at something not just for what it is, but what it could be. When it comes to fashion, you can look at an item of clothing and wonder 'what would I wear this with?' The question isn't about looking at the item individually, but rather how it could be thrown together with the right accessories, shoes, or jacket and instantly make an ensemble flow. It's about looking at old styles and adding some modern flare. It's about opening your mind to new possibilities that are edgy and break the rules while making the new ones up as you go along.  "Devil In A New Dress" is a song by Kanye West who is my favorite artist. In the song he raps,  "Put your hands to the constellations, The way you look should be a sin, you my sensation I know I'm preaching to the congregation We love Jesus but you done learned a lot from Satan" This is  what Devil In A New ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Don't Kill My Vibe

With the leaves officially changing colors, comes a new wardrobe with Earth tones. I love the urban look and I love being comfortable so this outfit is a combination of both. I originally bought this jacket because it reminded me of the army green jacket Linda Cardellini wore on my favorite show, Freaks and Geeks. My combat boots are also one of my favorites any time of the year. It was a gorgeous day to be outside so I hope you got to enjoy this perfect Fall day!  Beanie: H&M Top: PacSun Jeans: Cotton On Jacket: Express Boots: Love Culture
Post a Comment
Read more

Mom

"Selfless: Concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own " They use phrases like "mamas boy" but I am the definition of what it means to be a "mamas girl." My weekends as a kid were spent waking up Saturday morning, watching "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" and then going shopping with my mom. After that, we would come home, she would cook, and I would go play outside with my friends until it was time to eat. So it's no surprise back to school shopping was one of my favorite times of year. Getting to pick out a different wardrobe for each day of the week and buying school supplies. The joys were much simpler since we didn't have iPads or cell phones back then. Of all the times I spent shopping with my mom when I was a kid, I'll never forget going back to school shopping when I was 12. I was in junior high starting 7th grade which was a horribly awkward time, but if I have to think back about ever...
Post a Comment
Read more