Devil In A New Dress

How do you know when it's the right time to end a relationship because it's not right or try and work things out? You hear it all the time. "Everything is always nice in the beginning," and the beginning usually lasts a while. You always want to think you're the exception and not the rule; it won't happen to you. But here you are, six months in to a relationship that is completely different from the one you had when it started. I moved in with my boyfriend about three months ago. I was convinced he was 'the one.' A nice guy who actually wanted a relationship and is an overall good human being. We lived two hours apart and didn't want to have distance between us. We wanted to be together all the time. I made the decision to move my life to him and we got an apartment together. Ever since, our relationship has been on the decline. The person I thought I knew is different from the person I live with. Living with someone provides a sort of intimacy...

Listen with your ears And not with your mouth You should do less talking And learn how to pout Shallow conversations Leading to the depths of nowhere My mind is having revelations Yours is full of hot air I'm thinking about the meaning of life And having anxiety attacks You don't know the meaning of strife It's like your brain is pitch black My soul is yearning for affection PDA of my conscience I guess I'll settle for what this is Love, I think that's what you call it

Ah, the first time. You have an expectation in your mind of how it’s suppose to go. And then there’s the reality of how it actually went. I can’t complain too much about my first time. I was lucky enough to have it be with someone who meant something to me. My high school boyfriend. We had been dating for a few months.  He was the first boy that looked at me like I was special. Most of us had an awkward phase in high school and mine was freshman year. Sophomore year I tried out for the cheerleading squad and got braces. Boys started to look at me and I felt pretty for the first time in my life. Now don’t get me wrong, I was still a nerd on the inside, but I had a pretty cool costume.  Fast forward to junior year and that’s when I started dating Steven. He hung out with the ‘in’ crowd. I’m not really sure why he liked me and I didn’t take it seriously at first, but there he was. We went to formal together and it was the first time, actually the only time, I w...

Apparently, I was a bitch to Daisy when we first met. I hear that about myself all the time. She didn't know I was just a smart ass back then, but she's definitely figured that out by now. And she loves telling this story to people we meet. She came in with her little box full of supplies which was basically a portable cubby. I guess I made a sarcastic comment about how people wouldn't use those at our store. She didn't realize I was being sarcastic because I had the exact same box when I was a sales rep. She just looked at me like she thought I was mean but would never be mean back to me. That's the story my best friend Daisy loves to tell people about how we met. We actually met a couple times before this happened, but I obviously didn't make a strong impression before because this is the story she remembers and that's fine with me. I never knew it at the time, but it was the beginning of the best friendship I've ever had. After a couple of month...

Feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely, but when you're alone and lonely, you can get sucked in to the deepest hole of despair. I've felt like a loner most of my life even when I was surrounded by my family and friends but I never realized how much my loved ones helped put a band aid on those feelings. Loneliness is one of the major accelerators of depression. It's not the loneliness itself that causes the depression, but usually there's a trigger and some type of external factor that pushes you in to a downward spiral where you feel so low, you don't think you'll ever make it out alive.   I'm sure everyone has uttered the phrase "I feel depressed" at one point or another. It's usually an exaggeration of their feelings and they are trying to make a point to people that they are feeling down.   "Things will get better." "It could be wo...

People think Kurt was crazy for killing himself. I don't think he was crazy as much as he was aware of all of the things going on around him that some people are ignorant to. Not like it's a bad thing, but it can definitely make you crazy. Makes you question life. When you really think about all of the bad stuff that happens in the world and how evil corporations can be because of their self serving interests.   Most of the people in this world are just working to support the top 1%. Our water is poisoned. Our food is filled with disease causing ingredients. Our planet is dying and we are killing it. There are violent protests because the government is trying to create the new world order and take away our rights. We are slaves to the dollar. And we are American so we are naïve to it all happening. They say ignorance is bliss and it is. That's why some people go crazy with their own thoughts and and feelings of anguish. Kurt wasn't crazy. He was a genius. He wa...

Just for a second Let the light shine in What was once a dark room   Existence   Slowly The room grew brighter each day Until the dark clouds emerged Back with the seasons changing The light that entered Now dark again Flicker of ray, now just a glimmer   Rooms dark again Curtains drawn Suppose to be temporary But the horizon never seems to end

Our lives, Filled with meaningless distractions Glaring phones , Prompting individualistic actions   Can't tell you all the candidates R unning for the Oval Office, But I know what hair color Kylie Jenner is rockin'   Media is the silent drug Hollowing our souls Burning our brains And all for what?   Ignoring the world To be consumed by technology Our intentions shallow By our new global philosophy   Perceptions Being passed off as reality Actuality Being distracted by vanity   Minds numb What's really going on? We are turning away our experiences Giving it up for a life we put on  

Alone in a crowded room Laughs, screams, music, chatter The silence is deafening The louder it gets   Sips of whiskey Scent lingers from my lips I say hi to a stranger Don't remember how I know him   His name,yes,  H is face, yes But what is it to know someone? And do they really know if I exist ?   Clouds of mint smoke Mixed with the stench of cigarettes The sound of bubbles Blowing out sin   Inhale, remember Exhale, forget Close my eyes Pretend to be alone   In a crowded room Surrounded by strangers Whose only names are known But not motives and character   Alone